chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
