office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
