her vagina looked like bernie madoff
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize