Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
