I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
