We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
