I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just had sex on a roof
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
