I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
