smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
