Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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