Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
