What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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