Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
