The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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