Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
