you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
