He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am naked and annoyed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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