So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's always time for handjobs
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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