he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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