70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
