I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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