i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
