I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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