with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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