Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
