That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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