Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
