We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
