You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
