My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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