I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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