What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
