It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
