peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
