i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize