grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
