Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize