is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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