nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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