NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
