Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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