I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
