I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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