At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
