if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
