if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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