you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
