It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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