i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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