After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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