and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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