Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
