I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
