so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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