can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
