It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize