I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
