Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
