his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
