woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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