just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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