Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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