If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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