Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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