just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
