so that wasnt chicken after all
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize