Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
