He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
